Strengthen my heart

Dealing with difficult people in my life right now.  I don't know if you've ever experienced dealing with difficult Christians, but it can often be 1000 times harder than with non-Christians.  With unbelievers, you naturally have this recognition that they "know not what they do" and you have an easier time giving them grace because they don't know Jesus yet.  With believers, you expect so much more out of them.  And when they continually agree with sin, fear, anger, or the biggest turnoff - PASSIVITY - you start to get annoyed.  But as believers, we are called to have grace and unoffendable hearts, loving people and not caring what they say or do to you because you know your identity in the Father. 

Offended and you won't admit it?  It happens to the best of us. 

 Today God showed me that the first step in moving forward from irritation is recognizing and confessing that this person IS difficult and/or annoying you.  If you aren't honest with yourself, you will condemn yourself everytime you feel the tension of being around them.  You will condemn yourself for feeling annoyed and start falling into performance-based works in order to keep the peace.  After you admit that this person IS frustrating (because they are NOT perfect), you are free to move to the next level... to love them the way they need to be loved.  You will stop getting mad at yourself for getting mad at them and be able to walk in love and forgiveness with such a grace it will take you by surprise.  I did this with someone a couple years ago.  I freed him from my expectations and decided to pray for him instead.  I stopped blaming him for my problems and started really being able to walk in freedom.  Now I only have good thoughts toward this man, even though he has so many problems.  I totally love him with such a foolish love, considering how he has treated me and others.  But I don't keep a record of his wrongs.  Instead, I love.  (1 Corinthians 13:5).  Now, I am SURPRISED by how I act toward him.  It seems supernatural... because it is.  I used to get so angry that someone once referred to me as a cat hissing at a dog when it walked by.  That's what they saw in the spirit, an animal turning to fury by the very presence of this individual.  But now when he walks by I know I have released him from his debts and do nothing but hope for his salvation and restoration. 

Now I am dealing with offense toward someone who I have even BIGGER expectations for.  Everytime I am around her, I get annoyed because of her lack of maturity and angry/defeated mindset.  But instead of condemning myself for my fleshly reaction, I confessed it to the Lord.  I confessed my sin, and now I am free to move forward and love her.  She IS difficult.  I DO have a harder time loving her than others.  But, I want to do it.  And so when I started getting like that cat who hisses at the dog, I texted three of my accountability friends.  One of them said that God's grace is STRENGTHENING my heart.  Strengthening my heart.  I asked the Lord what that looked like and I saw someone's "heart muscles" being worked out.  I looked to the champion, the eternal and unchallenged world record holder for love - Jesus.  He continually prayed and looked to the Father for his identity and love and security.  This intamcy made him have such a strong heart that when he was crucified on the cross he looked to his offenders and said "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."  This he said not only about the unbelievers, but the BELIEVERS too.  Believers had betrayed him - Peter, Judas, the disciples.  But instead of anger, he had love. 

So as I prayed for a tender heart and thick skin - a heart that loves, but also is impenitrable to offense - I heard God say INTIMACY STRENGTHENS THE HEART.  That as I come to the throne of grace, I will have more grace for others.  That as I look to the literal personification and source of LOVE, I will be able to love better.  "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:3)  Jesus laid his life down, sacrificially.  And I will be able to have this great sacrificial love toward everyone when I come from a place of intimacy, because I will have so much more to give.  I won't have to depend on self-protection anymore.  But I can be free to love radically without limited resources.  Intimacy strengthens the heart. 

We know taking offense is wrong.  Proverbs 10:12 says "Hatred stirs up strife, but love covers all offenses."  Proverbs 19:11 = "Good sense makes one slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense."  But do we ever realize that it is not difficult people that cause the offense, but a lack of maturity and and a deficiency of the knowledge of God's love for you when you take offense from what others say or do?  Do we realize that knowledge of God's love for us and our offendable hearts are negatively correlated?  In other words, the more you know God's love for you, the less offendable you are.  The less you know about God's love for you, the more offendable you are.   This doesn't mean an offendable person knows absolutely nothing about God's love (though they could use some more revelation!), nor does it mean that a perfectly nice person knows Jesus.  But scripture shows us that if you want to escape sensitivity to other people's hurtful words and offenses, go to Jesus. 

 If you want to hold on to your anger, you will watch yourself getting cold and hard towards others and eventually toward God. We need the knowledge and revelation of God in order to grow in maturity and love (Ephesians 1:17).   We MUST grow in knowledge of this love.  It isn't something you ever graduate from, like Kindergarden.  It just keeps growing.


Nic Billman (Shores of Grace Ministries) says, "I fix my eyes on Jesus, and regardless of other people's behavior, I continue to show them how much he loves me."  Don't let other people's attitudes toward you change who you are.  You are beloved by the Bridegroom.

Finally, as intimacy strengthens our hearts we come to realize how much we tried to depend on ourselves to have peace in a relationship.  We thought it was on US.  That if we were just a little bit nicer, they would stop being mean.  That if we bring up Jesus in a conversation, they would be convicted of their wrongdoing and repent. That if we submit ourselves to the offender in humility and love, that they'd suddenly have a change of heart.  HA!  I thought this.  You thought this.  The answer is NO.  You will crash and fail trying to change hearts on your own.  Only God can change hearts.  We must stop trying to play the Holy Spirit.  Instead, we must pray pray pray and love them like CRAZY. Prayer and obedience.  Pray without ceasing and rest in God's perfect will, then follow him into the right moves to bring peace and reconciliation. 

His grace will strengthen your heart and sustain you to go into the valley of the shadow of death.  But we must lean on God.  We must be dependent on him to change hearts.  We must forgive our offenders of their wrongdoing.  We must have grace.  We must let go of our expectations of perfection from an individual.  And see that we are all sinners saved by grace.