Advice for Christian "Liking"

Disclaimer: 1am post

As I was looking for a Christian blog or a Relevant Magazine post or a devotional or SOMETHING on the internet about “liking” a Christian, I was left wholly unsatisfied.  I couldn’t find any advice about Christian dating besides guidelines for being in an actual relationship.   And those were mostly temporal guidelines (physical boundaries, seeking counsel, etc.) and not talking about actual heart issues.  But what about the before stuff?  There is so much involved in wooing, liking, crushing, getting to know someone, and the like.  How do we glorify and obey God when our emotions are hotter than ever and we feel EXTREMELY vulnerable? 

Right now, I myself am in the midst of this.  I like someone a LOT.  He may or may not know it, and he may or may not like me back.  We aren’t in the position to date yet though, so it’s not something I felt the need to rush into knowing (as in tonight).  However, waiting for the right time to DTR (Define the Relationship) has been hell.  What do I do in the mean time?  I won’t see this person for a month.  Yet, I think about him every day.

Here are some lessons I am learning that I think would be of use to Christians in the “liking” process.

#1) LOVE YOURSELF

·      So, this person may or may not like you.  What a great time to really test whether or not your value is placed on someone liking you or not.  Every time you believe that he or she likes you, do you value yourself more?  Or does it not make a difference?  Every time you believe that he or she does NOT like you, do you value yourself less?  Or does it not make a difference?  The not-knowing time is great as a litmus test of where you put your worth.

·      Are you consumed with thoughts of this person to the extent that you lose yourself?  Or do you still do the things that you love?

#2) TALK TO GOD

·      One of the stupidest things you can do is to try and hide your crushing from God.  He knows your every thought!  (Psalm 139:2)  Let that be a comfort to you.  Know that He does not condemn you for thinking constantly about your crush, for there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus (Romans 8:1).  Instead, seek counsel from the Almighty Counselor.

#3) LISTEN TO GOD

·      Just because you talked to God, doesn’t mean you have also chosen to listen.  Just because you heard from God, doesn’t mean you have also chosen to listen (Matthew 13:13).  Listening implies hearing, understanding, AND obeying.  Emotions are hot and oftentimes the idea of being close to our crush can become our god.  It sometimes dictates our actions more than the Holy Spirit.  This is why you must not only talk to and hear from God, but listen and obey.  If God told you to back off, BACK OFF.  If God told you to pray for the person, pray for the person.  If God told you to wait, wait.  If God told you to express your feelings, express your feelings.  Don’t jump the gun and don’t cower in legalism.

#4) KEEP WATCH OVER YOUR WEB STALKING

·      Let’s be honest.  We all Facebook stalk our crushes.  Like intensely.  We all wish we could like every single on of their photos because they are all extremely flattering.  We all wish we could comment on their statuses because they are so intelligent and on-fire for Jesus.  We all wish we could <3 every instagram photo.  Don’t lie.  In this day and age, it is so easy.  The internet is faster, everyone is online now, and the amount of posting is daily if not hourly. Now keeping up with someone on Facebook is not a bad thing.  It is good to appreciate someone made in God’s image.  However, gluttony proceeds the innocence of checking in on a friend when we have multiple check-ups multiple times throughout the day.  The same goes for crushes.  I know you like him/her, but you must ask God how you can miss him/her the RIGHT way (HIS way) instead of creating false closeness by viewing their latest posting.  If your amount of web stalking is greater than your amount of verbal communication, then it is safe to say you are doing too much.  Limit yourself. 

#5) KEEP WATCH OVER YOUR FANTASIES

·      It’s fine to hope, and it’s also fine (and important!) to imagine the possibility of marrying that someone one day.  However, if you find yourself having elaborate fantasies, conversations, and role plays in your head with this individual, then you are beginning to create a world that isn’t reality. 

·      Nip this in the bud by realizing that over-imagining life with this person is rooted in fear.

o    Fear of the unknown gives us a feeling of lacking control, and the only way to control is to imagine what we would do or what they would do in a given situation.  Instead of imagining the unknown, be open to the unknown that is yet to unfold before you.  Life is an adventure, and your crush may or may be part of yours.  That’s the whole surprise!

o   Fear of rejection is similar to the fear of the unknown, but must be tackled differently.  Here, you need to not only be open to the unknown but know that your identity and acceptance is in CHRIST not in someone else.

#6) DELIGHT

·      If it unfolds, delight in falling in love.  It’s a beautiful beautiful thing, something Jesus loves.