SO. Tonight at JHOP, I was stricken with the fear of the Lord. Worship was incredible as always, and then all of a sudden a terrifying conviction overwhelms me. I am evil. I say that I want to proclaim God's name and I want him to bring revival, but I am too scared to fully witness to anyone. I am full of pride. And full of the fear of man. I am evil. Evil. Evil. I fell to the ground panting and crying. Then I smooshed my face to turn away from the worship leaders and hid in a corner between the bathroom and the couch. I crouched on the floor crying and repenting to God of my sins. Everything I ever tried to do in my own power was evil. It was all phony, hypocritical, and full of pride and flesh. I was full of sin, and I knew it. And suddenly the message of forgiveness and grace became brand new. Condemnation and Repentance was a chapter I had skipped in my life, because I grew up in the church knowing that Jesus forgave me of my sins. But now I trully knew what that meant.
And then I opened my Bible to Isaiah 62-63. "..... (2) The nations will see your righteousness. Kings will be blinded by your glory. And the LORD will give you a new name. The LORD will hold you in his hands for all to see - a splendid crown in the hands of God. Never again will you be caleld the Godforsaken City or the Desolate Land. Your new name will be the City of God's Delight and the Bride of God, for the LORD delights in you and will claim you as his own. Your children will care for you with joy, O Jerusalem, just as a young man cares for his bride. Then God will rejoice over you as a bridegroom rejoices over his bride. ..... (11)"The LORD has sent this message to every land: "Tell the people of Israel, 'Look, your Savior is coming. See, he brings his reward with him as he comes.'" They will be called the Holy People and the People Redeemed by the LORD. And Jerusalem will be known as the Desirable Place and the City No Longer Forsaken........ [63] .... (7) I will tell of the LORD's unfailing love. I will praise the LORD for all he has done. I will rejoice in his great goodness to Israel, which he has granted according to his mercy and love. He said, "They are my very own people. Surely they will not be false again." And he became their Savior. In all their suffering he also suffered, and he personally rescued them. In his love and mercy he redeemed them. He lifted them up and carried them through all the years."
Every single word spoke to me. So much so, that I can't even explain. But if you get anything out of reading it then you know what I mean. Oh how I love God's ministry.
I was at rebellion against him, and didn't deserve salvation or even his love. But He gave it to me freely, while I was STILL A SINNER. And now I am called his Daughter, his bride, his family. All for the sake of FREEDOM he set me free. There is suddenly new life to every scripture I know and have read. All because I was faced with the fear of the LORD. And now the fear of the LORD overpowers my fear of man.
XOXO,
Katrina Doyle
No comments:
Post a Comment